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Relationships, relationships, relationships. They are fun, sexy, exciting, tiring, stressful, depressing…they are all that in one word. No doubt relationships are easy and super fun in the beginning, what we call the honeymoon courtship phase, but after some time, months, and if we are lucky, years, we start hitting some road bumps. And at this point, we starting wondering why exactly are relationships so difficult to maintain. Life. Relationship is a choice. Love is a choice. To have both continuously flourishing and blooming, a lot of work and effort need to be put in from both parties. It is a choice because we wake up every morning choosing the other person over and over and over again. We are not going to lie about it, it is very difficult. But as all things in life, nothing comes easy. Sooner or later, stuff is going to get real, things are going to become more serious, plans need to be put in placed and working towards a future together is no longer that far away.

Relationships are hard work. They take compromise and sometimes we want to slap the other person. But this just means we are constantly working on the relationship and working out problems. But it's exhausting to fight all the time and it's exhausting to feel like we are constantly building the relationship up again and again. Honestly, romantic relationships are one of the most difficult paths one can walk in life. How hard should we be working? Should we feel tired and stressed out all the time? Should we constantly be making concessions and worrying? Should a relationship be so much work? What’s the right amount of work? So many questions yet so few answers. Every relationship is different, there is no one set rule for all relationships.

Relationships are so hard because we are forced to constantly consider the other person’s feelings and wellbeing. In a relationship excuses are trickier to make, and often we find our partner becoming insistent about certain things. Our choices are to either get caught in a cycle of disagreements and resentment or work through these triggers. Relationships force us to face ourselves. Whenever we become closer with someone else, we almost always gain a clearer understanding of who we are. Like a snake wriggling through a tube, the container of the relationship can give us an almost too clear view of who we are. A lot of us try our very best to avoid difficult conversations. Sometimes we even agree simply to shut the other person up and to avoid the talk. For some reason, these difficult conversations do not sit very well with many of us, it could be how we were raised or simply from traumatic experiences that have moulded us into what we are. Reasons are aplenty. We never really learned how to have these difficult conversations but really, they shouldn’t be avoided. In a relationship, we don’t have this choice. If we want to navigate disagreements, build trust, and get closer to someone, we simply have to talk about the tough things. Either that or we end up fighting about them. That said, relationships are built, not on the good times and agreements, but on our ability to talk about the tough stuff. Talking about what’s hard creates closeness and sets a deep relationship apart from a shallow one. For those of us who have been in somewhat serious and committed relationships, this is definitely something we don’t disagree.

Having these tough conversations aren’t just it. There is a lot of compromising in a relationship. That ego and pride should be left outside the door if you are in a serious relationship. Not just in relationships, heck even if we are single, our lives involve compromise, whether with friends, families, colleagues and so forth. It is constantly a balance between our wishes and the wishes of others. But of course, relationships takes the cake when it comes to compromise. It takes this to a whole new level. We are no longer just trying to meet our own needs but also working to create harmony and connection which means that sometimes there is a need to sacrifice what we want. Yup, even giving up that craving for pasta in exchange for what the other person want, sushi. Of course, we do not need to compromise till our needs are not met. It is a compromise after all. Give and take. So set boundaries. The best relationships are made up of two people who know and understand their boundaries. But relationships force us to let go of some of these little comforts we have, especially the ones that we’ve held on to for far too long. While this is challenging, it can also be very freeing. As we let go of our preferences, we become more open to new experiences and reduce the suffering we might otherwise feel when we don’t get our way.

Relationships require vulnerability, because if we keep our heart closed and our partner at a distance, how can we ever hope to connect in a deep way? Vulnerability is perhaps the most powerful and scariest thing we can experience with another person. Even if we are used to being vulnerable with our close friends, being vulnerable in a relationship is totally different. Being able to open up and share with our partner who we really are is something so intimate and important in every relationship.

With all these bumps, hardships, work and efforts, NOW, can you imagine being in a throuple. Yes, a throuple. What’s a throuple? You’ve probably watched the hit series You, Me, Her on Netflix or Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or even The Politician, and if you have, you’d know what a throuple is. It may seem like a new concept or word that’s being thrown around in this generation but really, it isn’t that unusual. A throuple is a romantic relationship between three people. And while the term might be new there’s nothing new or unusual about the concept. Because it’s totally possible to be in love with more than one person at one time. A throuple isn't the same as an open relationship. A throuple is a balanced, consensual, and committed relationship between three partners. It isn’t a threesome mind you. It is actually a serious committed relationship with all the issues a monogamous twosome relationship has. Possibly just much harder because now we have to consider and compromise with an extra person! And to think that a twosome is already hard enough. In throuple relationships, it is not completely about sex, whereas an open relationship is typically defined as having outside sexual relationships that do not form into relationships. With throuple, the point is to have multiple relationships as love and emotional connections are the driving forces.

A throuple doesn't have any "formula," aside from involving three people. Throuples can be made up of people of any gender identity and any sexual orientation who choose to be together. Being in a throuple can have some benefits such as to spice up a twosome, and to increase the chances of exposing ourselves and our original partner to qualities that both of us may want but cannot offer each other. This is where the third partner comes in and they can also serve as a buffer or mediator when scuffles come up between the original twosome. Yes, maybe we will have another person to share our hobbies with, talk to, double the love and to disarm tense conversations and so on but as with all relationship, where there is good, there are also the downsides. To enter into a throuple relationship, one must be open about their needs and wants otherwise a lot of issues are set to pop. Throuplehood can make the relationship a little harder. Imagine, double the tension, double the jealousy. The dynamics within a throuple can differ drastically from a typical duo. First, there's the jealousy part, a potential side effect of a three-way relationship if one person feels like there's an uneven split of attention or commitment. Eventually, jealousy issues are going to pop up when the throuple bond gets stronger and the primary partner may start to feel secondary and gets hurt. It is important to ensure there is no insecurity issues in the throuple because a throuple relationship has no room for insecurity as that’s where jealousy breeds.

Second, when it comes to conflict, having a third person in a relationship leaves room for taking sides which an unhealthy tactic that can put the bond on shaky ground. Like in any relationship, a throuple requires tons of communication and boundaries so that everyone feels heard and no one feels left out. Bringing a new person in to the mix can also prevent us from putting energy and creativity into our sex life and relationship with our partner. Having said that, couples who want to add a third person need to be prepared for their original relationship to undergo a complete shift.

Unlike the normal relationships, a throuple relationship has a lot of issues that come up, and so they have to be dealt with immediately. We aren’t going to sugarcoat it, if all parties aren’t prepared to put in the work, the throuple will not last. It is double the work, double the effort, double the emotions, double everything including finding time to be with each other. Being part of a throuple calls for a lot of sacrificing. For a three-way relationship to be successful and full of meaning, all parties are supposed to work on their relationship constantly. If we can’t do it, then there is absolutely no point of taking part in it at any given moment. Romantic relationships can be highly emotional, and that intensity is multiplied by the number of people involved. Trying to juggle multiple partners' needs can be especially challenging when those needs conflict, and figuring out whose needs to prioritise can be painful for everyone. If we are going to have a throuple relationship, make sure that the rules, limits, and boundaries of the arrangement is clearly defined. Communication is of the utmost importance. In situations like this, faithfulness is defined by honouring those commitments and boundaries. Keep promises, but also leave room to renegotiate, in case either one has different reactions than what was expected. Understand that all partners must agree to change the terms of a relationship, and consent under pressure does not count as a collaborative agreement.

However, just like the rest of our lives, relationships are a practice. In a relationship we have to show up, be present, and be willing to have our life changed as a result. Creating a great relationship isn’t about fitting perfectly with another person. It’s also not about another person completing an incomplete us. We are all complete and whole as individuals of our own. The path is often unclear and the maturation is mysterious. A relationship, be it a twosome or a throuple doesn’t come without making the necessary sacrifices that will ensure we are all on top of our game at all times. That said, if we are willing to follow and do all the necessary work and always strive to abide by all the rules and boundaries set within the relationship, the relationship can be a very powerful tool for walking the path of a happy and fulfilling life.